Strong Convictions Aren’t the Same as a Strong Sense of Self - How to Discover the Difference for Yourself

Photo Credit: Sebastian Magnani

We’ve all met those people who exude total confidence—who speak with conviction, stand unwavering in their beliefs, and seem to have life figured out. They’re persuasive, certain, commanding, magnetic, and, let’s face it, sometimes a little intimidating. You can't help but think, Wow, they've got it all together.

But here’s a truth I stumbled across recently that stopped me in my tracks:

“Strong convictions do not necessarily signal a powerful sense of self, very often, quite the opposite", writes Dr. Gabor Mate in his critically acclaimed book, When the Body Says No, The Cost of Hidden Stress.

At first glance, that sounds counterintuitive. Aren’t strong convictions the very thing that define who we are?

Dig a little deeper, and you’ll find something fascinating.

The Difference Between Conviction and Self-Knowledge

Conviction is loud. It’s unshakable. It thrives on certainty.

Self-knowledge, on the other hand, is quiet. It doesn’t need to prove itself. It is not threatened by questions. It holds space for complexity and contradiction. A comparison of the two can be found in the image below.

You can have strong beliefs and still feel lost. You can be full of opinions and still not know yourself. And that’s because a strong sense of self isn’t about what you believe. It’s about who you are when those beliefs are stripped away.

The Science of Self-Understanding

Psychologists call this self-concept clarity—the degree to which you have a stable, clear understanding of yourself. Studies show that people with a strong sense of self tend to:

• Feel grounded rather than reactive—they don’t break when their beliefs are challenged. 

• Live in alignment with their values—not because they fear being wrong, but because they know what matters to them. 

• Be emotionally aware—they understand their own feelings instead of suppressing them. 

• Have resilience in uncertainty—they can evolve without losing themselves. In contrast, people who mistake conviction for clarity often feel fragile. They struggle when life forces them to change. Their certainty isn’t strength—it’s armor.

Why This Matters (Especially Now)

In a world that rewards hot takes and viral opinions, it’s easy to confuse certainty with clarity. But the people who lead with integrity, who form healthy relationships, and who navigate life with grounded confidence—they’re usually the ones who’ve done the deeper work.

They don’t just know what they believe. They know who they are.

When you define yourself only by external markers—your beliefs, your job, your achievements, your relationships—you become deeply vulnerable to losing yourself when those things shift.

And they will shift.

How to Cultivate a Stronger Sense of Self

So, if conviction isn’t the key to true strength, what is?

Here are some questions I started asking myself to begin my journey of deciphering where my self of self truly resides:

• If I had to introduce myself without mentioning my job, relationships, or beliefs, how would I describe myself? 

• What values do I live by, even when no one is watching? 

• If everything I once defined myself by disappeared, what would remain? 

• Am I holding onto this belief because it serves me—or because I’m afraid of who I’d be without it?

A strong sense of self isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to ask the right questions.

The Takeaway

In a world that rewards confidence, it’s easy to mistake conviction for a sense of self.

But the people who live with true peace and purpose? They’re not the ones shouting about what they believe. They’re the ones quietly, steadily embodying who they are.

If this resonates with you— and if like so many of us, you feel like you’ve built your identity around things that no longer fit—I invite you to take a breath, and remember that

All that is gold does not glitter.

Not all those who wander are lost.

The old that is strong does not wither.

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken.

A light from the shadows shall spring.

Renewed shall be blade that was broken.

The crownless again shall be king.

(J.R.R. Tolkien)

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