Do You Know a Soul-Shelter & Why the Soft Ones Love Them
- Kate Pejman
- Apr 11
- 6 min read
“Caregivers help us survive the world. Soul-shelters help us belong to ourselves. They carry not our bodies, but our becoming.” - Anonymous
I didn’t expect something so subtle to strike me, but it did. It’s often like this for me—an ordinary conversation, with no particular emphasis on any one word, but suddenly, a single word lands in my heart, and I feel its energy ripple through me, touching a tender, hidden spot.
This happened recently while listening to a podcast with Michelle Obama. She was reflecting on the death of her mother, who had passed away just last year in May. The host, with a soft tone, said, “I’m so sorry for your loss, but I feel grateful that you had her shelter in your life.”
The word “shelter” lingered in the air. Hm…Shelter…a HUMAN shelter….
So many of us are blessed to have caregivers—mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbours, and friends who love and care for us. But I began to wonder: How many of us have experienced shelter?
Michelle Obama has spoken often about her mother, and one quote from her really stayed with me. She would say to Michelle and her brother, “We will always like you here.” There it was, the essence of shelter. A home is not just a place where you’re provided the basics—food, home, warmth—but a place where you are liked. Where your essence, your authenticity, your opinions, and perspectives aren’t just tolerated but celebrated. Perhaps this is the true definition of shelter—the human form of it.
The Need for True Shelter: More than Just Care
In a world where we are often surrounded by care, how many of us experience true shelter? We can find people who give us jobs, homes (to rent or to own), and many other forms of care, but who is there to shelter the deepest parts of our souls? The parts of us that are tender, vulnerable, and yet powerful—parts of us that may feel too wild, too regal, or too intense for the communities, workplaces, and relationships that don’t understand them?
And if we don’t have a shelter for this part of ourselves, where do we go, trying to find it?
While I believe that the most vital shelter is the one within, it gets slightly complicated as we are part of a species that is social and needs social bonds, group belonging and inter-connectedness to survive. And if the shelter within was never built, what then?
Broadcast-system vs. Two-way Connection
Most of us don’t need to look too far to see the lengths at which we have gone to find that soul shelter, whether it is our ever-present people-pleasing, or depending on another person’s international navigation system rather than our own, addicted to various drugs or substances, and friendships and relationship that could be more loving and kinder, the list goes on. So much of our energy is spent running from one form of shelter to the next, only to find ourselves still cold, still yearning for something more real.
The work of Alain De Botton, philosopher and author of “The Architecture of Happiness,” says it best. He revealed a question every parent should ask their child to determine if they’re a good parent. “A marker of good parenting is that your child doesn’t have any wish to be famous.”
Alain explains that children who don’t desire a life of fame have enough internal validation that they don’t need to seek it externally. “They are not seeking to be known by strangers,” he added. “They can be content to be known by a small circle of people that they actually know back.” Children who desire public recognition rely on a broadcast system rather than a two-way relationship.
The soul shelter is the place where we go where all the pressure to be successful, to be known by millions, to be the most popular in the room, to be respected, to carry status with receipts and proof is lifted from our exhausted shoulders.
How to Find a Soul Shelter (and Become One Ourselves)
Like many of us, I’m new to this idea—but my longing for it is ancient. Somewhere inside me, there’s a quiet ache to be held by people who feel like shelter. I’ve come to believe that even meeting one soul-shelter in a lifetime is a kind of miracle, like stumbling upon water in a desert.
So I’ve been listening closely—to my own life, to stories, to research. Not to find answers wrapped in certainty, but to gather soft clues, gentle lanterns we might follow toward what we deeply crave.
Here is what I’ve begun to uncover about soul-shelters.
What Soul-Shelters Feel Like
They rarely look like heroes. Soul-shelters aren't the loudest or most impressive. They're the ones who stay. Who soften when we break. Who say, “I’m here,” and mean it. Their presence doesn’t rescue us—it reminds us how to come home to ourselves.
They love us in a way that changes how we love ourselves. To be seen with reverence is to begin seeing ourselves anew. Their love is not loud, but it’s deep. It asks quietly: Can you love yourself the way I do? They remind us of the love we owe ourselves.
They invite our voice to rise through presence, not pressure. They don’t interrupt or advise too soon. They ask the right questions, and let the silence stretch. In their stillness, our truth unfolds.
They remind us we are our own guide. Even when we try to hand them our power, they gently hand it back. They trust our inner compass, even when we don’t.
They make us feel like we belong to the world, not just to them. Their love connects us to something greater—community, humanity, the sacred thread of belonging we’ve always longed for.
They feel like soft landings, not performance stages. Where we don’t need to be impressive, fixed, or okay. Just real. Just held.
They don’t flinch at our broken pieces. Their steady love doesn’t waver when we fall apart. And so, our nervous system exhales.
They hold space without rushing our healing. Whether therapist, mentor, or elder, they sit with us in the murky middle—without trying to fast-forward our grief.
They honour vulnerability over polish. In safe communities, our pain doesn’t isolate us—it connects us. And suddenly, healing feels less lonely.
They become the shelter we needed—and inspire us to be the same. Through mindfulness, compassion, and inner stillness, we learn to become our own home.
They hold eye contact that says, “I won’t look away.” Emotional shelter often shows up in simple moments. A warm tone. Soft eyes. Sometimes just a glance.
They actually like you. Not for who you pretend to be—but for your real, radiant self. Your quirks, your fire, your quiet magic.
They honour your boundaries. They don’t push. They don’t prod. They protect what you’re not ready to reveal. And wait with love.
They protect your wildness. They don’t try to tame you. They celebrate your messy, untamed, becoming self—and want more of it.
They ask for help, too. They model that strength isn’t self-sufficiency—it’s being brave enough to need others.
They guard your secrets like sacred ground. What you whisper to them doesn’t travel. Your truth is safe, still, and fiercely protected.
They cheer for your dreams like they’re their own. They show up. They celebrate. They remind you that your joy matters—even when you forget.
They welcome your honest truth—even when it’s different from theirs. You’re free to disagree, to speak your mind. And you’re still loved. Maybe even more for it.
Conclusion
In the end, perhaps soul-shelters are what help carry us through the long, tender journey of being human. And maybe, becoming one is the quiet work of a lifetime. If we are lucky, we will find one. If we are brave, we might become one. And if, by simply existing, we help even one soul breathe a little easier—then maybe that is enough.
Here's to soul shelters. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.
If you enjoyed this post, please share the wisdom!
What has your experience been with soul shelters? Maybe an easy one, or a hWhat quality would your soul shelter have? I invite you to share your perspective and thoughts in the comment section or you can reply directly to this email at thebenevolentseries@gmail.com
and let me know. We love you so much! ♡
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